Sometimes we do not understand the challenge that exists in rejection. Our understanding of how much more we can endure each time strengthens us.
Sorrow begins with our projection on the other and what makes us angry is the rejection of our expectation. It starts with us, when we get angry with ourselves because we do not respond to the image we would like to have.
When we see sorrow in this way, as our need to be loved and fit, we can also see the compulsions of the past that come into the present as a behavior and a role. So we can make room and open up to the flow of our emotions and then we have a hope to move on.
Many times we end up feeling sorry for ourselves and the other, we are trapped by the lack of attention to the fear and suspicion of not being loved.
It is easy to give a coin to a beggar, it is difficult to shake his hand but it is impossible to hug him!
In other words, it is easy to make a transactional relationship to cover some of our needs. But it is difficult to connect with someone without making them feel angry as long as we feel sorry for them. It is impossible to feel compassion and love for someone if we feel sorry for him or ourselves.
This leads us to greater cruelty, which actually means that we close the boundaries around ourselves and do not allow feelings and emotions to pass through us. For instance, we do not allow ourselves to actually communicate with each other. Cruelty makes us suffer more, at the same time the other suffers and gets angry in a cycle of cruelty and barbarism that is repeated.
The problem arises when we identify ourselves with our emotions and thoughts, especially sadness.
In the case of grief, what is the information we are trapping?
It is our fear and need since we were children to be loved. This energy entrapment in many people takes on explosive proportions within them and in the interaction with those close to them over time.We want someone to love us, so we trap someone as a reflection of our inner state. Then the other falls into our trap and cannot escape.
However, there is a level within us in which we have the ability to see tensions when they are created and when they relate to each other, without being completely distracted by them.
This level, which in psychology is called the window of tolerance to anxiety, is revealed only when we consciously cultivate it.
By gradually allowing a larger volume of emotions to pass through us and by making room for our emotions, especially the unpleasant ones, we increase our tolerance. Each time the right amount of worry is nevertheless just as important as expanding our capacity.
By increasing our emotional capacity gradually, we can become observers at the same time as we live our experience.
Compassion allows us to get the right information and incorporate it as a difference within us. Information comes through the energy of emotions and thoughts and it is what we need for our development.
Connecting with my compassion for myself and others who are suffering is a prerequisite in order to become an observer of myself and do what is required.